This is an unedited version
On a hot bursting day chang the gardener was outside ploughing his food. Now he wasn’t a bad guy he loved kids and he was a friendly guy. He had a wife who was leaving to new york because she had a job interview. She was a great woman but she was tricky because once she stole somebody's wallet. They also had a son named jason he was 16 and he was outside helping his dad do the gardening until…
They heard large people stomping they went to go have a look it was the government and his agents they came with a contract saying. Dear mr chang we would like to kick you out and build a theme park here kind regards the government. Mr chang was surprised he was also angry he did not want to lose his house because his son and him would starve to death well mum get’s the info of them dieing. So he was about to refuse but he was scared of the guards so he went to his son and said pack your bags we're going so they waited by the bus stop then…
His friend willy came over to his house but he saw the caution do not enter sign but then he saw his friend at the bus stop and asked him what is happening. His friend was too sad to tell him. Then his friend started asking him all these Questions and finally he got it right . so he made a plan to save some money for his friends house. The next day willy went to the government and said, “Here is your money I would like to buy this house” the government said, “Ok then I’ll be back to take this house” and Willy said, “And I’ll be here to buy it because I am rich and i’ll do anything for a friend” And they lived happily ever after and Willy was fundraising for him. The government came back but willy was there to save them again and again and again and it went like this for 3 whole years.
Hi there.. how are you today?
ReplyDeletejust wondering what that box at the end means.. is that how your teacher marks your work? a good way to move up a level is to look at what the teachers wants for a number 3 and make sure that your do that in your story.. it looks like you only need help with clear and juicy! that's pretty good! i reckon audience appeal is always a tricky one.. good luck with that..